The good: my hamstring that sidelined me last month is totally better! I rehabbed and cross-trained like a pro and followed my doctor’s orders to a T as I gradually introduced running back into my routine over several weeks. I missed out on indoor track, but still have my sights set on some later spring races including the Corvallis Half Marathon and Bloomsday Run.

The bad: my opposite leg is now giving me trouble in a weird way, and I have no idea what’s wrong. It’s a completely foreign feeling. I’m getting it checked out this week. I’m hesitant to write about this at all, because then my imperfect leg is no longer my little secret. If I don’t talk about it it isn’t real! Yeah…

The ugly: my feelings surrounding this new, unknown thing going on with my leg include but are not limited to extreme anxiety (How long will this put me out before it gets better? Will I be able to race this spring or even this year?), hopelessness (How will I ever reach my long term goals if I can’t even reach my short term goals?), a sense of failure (I did this to myself!), and envy of healthy runners (They’re meant to run and you’re not!). It’s a dark and terrible downward spiral.

My first instinct is to stick my head in the sand and pretend nothing is wrong and continue with my training. I ran ten miles of trails earlier today under a glorious, sunny sky with a teammate and all was fine. Actually, all of my runs have been “fine”. I’m not in pain and I’m not hobbling around, but I know my body well enough to know that something isn’t right. My inclination after initial denial is to assume the absolute worst; that I’ve done irreparable damage and I’ll never run again without something going wrong. When facing uncertainty it’s easy to project the most extreme scenarios and believe they’ll come true. Hopefully in a couple days I’ll get some answers, face the facts whatever they may be, and come up with a solid plan for what to do next. Until then, rest and breathe!

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