My spring racing season has been full of near misses. In February, I set a mile goal of 5:20 and crossed the line in 5:25. In March, I set out to break 38:00 in the 10K and finished in 38:07. From there, I was determined to run sub-18:00 in the Shamrock 5K (way off at 18:30), then tried again at the Carlsbad 5000 and came painstakingly close in 18:01.
In a knee jerk reaction, I signed up for a 5K on the track in April with the plan of clicking off perfect, even splits to reach 17:59 or better. The skies were angry that day, delivering face-pelting rain and a steady 25mph wind. I finished in 18:19, but I knew the slower time wasn’t simply because of the weather, but my defeatist attitude before the race even began. I spent the cool down with my RCTC teammates Shasta and Fionna fighting back tears, and eventually stopping to ugly-cry for a few moments. I was so frustrated and disappointed in myself. As Steve Magness put it, “When stress and fatigue are at their highest, there is no faking your way through it. No putting on a facade. You don’t have enough energy or willpower to maintain a mask of how you’d like to be perceived. It’s all raw and it’s all real.”